One of the biggest challenges of parents is deciding how to deal with their kid’s spiritual development. As Pagans we understand that there is no “right” path, and many of us hesitate to teach our children for fear of leading them to believe there is only one way. So this article is for all the parents, like me, who are trying to decide where to start in teaching spirituality to their children.

The benefits of spirituality can reach far and wide for our children; it is the sense of community that is so beneficial in society. Today’s times are so much different than ten years ago, and raising children today has different challenges than our parents may have had raising us. Children today are conditioned in a society that doesn’t promote responsibility, community or even spiritual accountability.

Without a value system in place for our children, it can become increasingly harder for them to cope with the adding pressures of life’s challenges as they grow older. Society is progressing in the direction of looking more for instant gratification over hard work and moral values. Today’s times of high unemployment rates and gas prices, cut school budgets and increasing environmental issues are showing our children that hard work doesn’t always give favorable results. How do these translate to a child and what is the best way to explain why hard work is important?

This is the beginning phase of what festers into a lack of accountability for personal choices and lacking a moral and ethical code that promotes community, self worth and growth. Creating a spiritual foundation for our children is one of the most useful tools to combating a mindset that could lead them to making choices that impact them in negative ways in the future.

When our children live without a spiritual foundation they are growing up disconnected from the world around them. Many children don’t feel that they are a part of anything, let alone a bigger plan. Part of our responsibility of raising children is to help them understand that they are a part of everything and that everything around them equally affects them.

When parents get to the place of understanding that spirituality is a must in the raising of their young ones, the next step becomes the next concern. What do we do next?

This is not an easy answer, and it will depend greatly on the family and their spiritual belief system. There are some things that are not as complicated though, and those are some of the things I looked at within my family unit. These are the things I would like to share with you.

We can only teach what we know. This is a very important thing for parents to remember and truly understand. As parents we can guide and teach, but we are not expected to have all the answers. This means I can teach my children by talking to them and showing them how to live with spirit in their hearts. I can teach by example and give them the opportunity to join in. It isn’t about forcing our children to be religious or to do anything they don‘t want to. It is about making our spiritual path a part of everyday normal life.

A spiritual path is not just about religion. I think a lot of us get confused there. I can show my kids how to respect the mother earth by recycling, gardening or conserving water and gas. I can show my kids the value of giving back by volunteering at the soup kitchen or shelter, saying “hi” to a homeless person, doing something nice for the neighbor or donating to Goodwill. These are all a part of teaching ethics, which directly tie into spirituality.

We parents must remember that spirituality is a way of living; it becomes normal life. Many people hide their spiritual self and only practice in private, but when teaching children these are the things you want them to see. Children have to see that mom lighting a candle, doing daily devotionals, kitchen witchery or even ritual is normal.

Children see mainstream Christian holidays and beliefs everywhere. So when parents can’t help to create balance, it leaves the impression that what we do is different than everyone else. And in a kid’s mind that makes it weird or secret. One of Pagan parents’ biggest challenges is to make it easier for our kids to see religious diversity and understand that no path is right or wrong. Kids hear many different things from others that will lead them to believe there is only one way, and we must be prepared to address this with our children.

Teach your children a set system of values, ethics and morals. Children learn all types of techniques to cope with life’s challenges; some are good and some are not. I have found that there is a difference between refraining from an action and understanding why it is good to refrain from the action beyond the easy answers. For example, a child can make a choice not to hit another child. Part of this decision could be based on the child’s need to stay at school and avoid suspension and consequences at home. That is a good reason. What if we add a spiritual and ethical aspect to compound the already good reason listed previously? What would happen if we taught this child what happens spiritually when we harm someone? We could talk about how we are filling our bodies with negativity then giving that to someone else. We could talk about how we want to do to others what we would like for them to do to us and that we wouldn’t want anyone sticking us with a huge ball of negativity. We could also talk about how when we pass negativity to people, it then leaks from them and passes negativity to those around them: people we did not intend to hurt.

We could go on and on. This is just a series of examples to illustrate how adding spiritual and ethical reasoning with coping skills can assist the child in understanding on a deeper level that might stick with them when the mundane consequences are not as clear.

I can’t tell anyone how to specifically answer their children’s questions, because everyone has a different spiritual path and the dynamic of each family is different. I can say that, like everything, this is a work in progress for my family.

I have begun the process of evaluating my children’s spiritual development and understanding it on an individual basis. Coming to terms with understanding that our children have their own minds and thoughts can be an interesting thing. I have to keep that in mind with each child.

My seven-year-old has a much different view of life than my fifteen-year-old. With that, I can’t plan the same kind of activities with both of them and expect them to learn the same lessons. They are going to filter what come into their lives through their own worldview.

Take the time to experiment and try new activities with your children. Talk to them about spirituality and their ideas. Give them a voice.

There are violence, crime, pain, drugs and death all around us. It has become a part of society, and we have begun the process of normalizing it into our everyday world.

The video games, music videos and songs that depict violence are unbelievable. If you are anything like me as a parent, there is a certain amount of anxiety you carry when thinking of your kids in the “real” world.

What does this have to do with Paganism? Well, it has everything to do with Paganism and living a spiritual path. We know as adults that we make different and better decisions when rooted in a spiritual path. Why do we automatically assume that kids are so different from us?

Granted, children don’t have the life skills and experiences we do. Children do not have the critical thinking skills some adults have … and notice I did say, “some.” Children are learning how to operate in the world every passing moment. Sometimes, in the world of an adult where things seem to move so fast, we forget the true path of a kid, and that path is all about learning the life skills to live and make decisions. More often than not, it is about learning to recognize choices and make better choices.

With those thoughts at the forefront of our minds, let’s go back and revisit the original thought. As humans, children and adults alike, we make different and better decisions when we are rooted in a spiritual path. By putting that concept into the proper perspective we have an opportunity to work within the now for change.

We can use today to teach our children responsibility and accountability, not by preaching but by example. Remember attraction rather than promotion, and we can always show better than we can “tell.”

Parents need to capitalize on situations that reinforce our children’s ability to embrace spiritual knowledge. Broaden their minds. Kids can never have too much knowledge or understanding of the world that is beyond this one.

There is no better time to teach our kids structure than right now. We cannot pretend that our kids will automatically understand that the world is based on rules, some real and some invisible. If we don’t provide our kids structure, how will they learn to exist in the world?

Embracing a respect for life and everything in it is a principal we want to pass on to our children. They must begin the long process of understanding that we are connected to everything, and everything is connected to us. Understanding this principle helps to take away the illusion that we are not affecting others, ourselves or the world with our attentions.

Let’s take the time to teach our kids how to think. Children are accustomed to reacting to life instead of thinking things through and evaluating consequences. This is a skill many adults didn’t learn, and they are still suffering the effects of bad choices made in the past and present.

Modeling open and honest communication with our children about life could make the difference for success in the future.. We think we can save our kids from the reality of the world, but when our kids don’t get the answers from us, they are looking for the answers from others. Sometimes, the places our kids look for answers is the last place we would wish.

Teach our kids that they create their own reality. Kids often immediately think life is horrible or unfair when things don’t go their way. We all need to understand life is hard, but I chose how I am going to deal with it or what feelings I am going to accept or adopt. How I chose to look at life will dictate how I feel about my life. There are people who have much less in life than I, and they wake up happy in the morning because they actually opened their eyes to another day. Wow, what a harsh realization of how many of us are self-centered and don’t appreciate our blessings. Guess what? We pass that along to our kids.

One of the most important coping skills kids need to develop is the understanding that we cannot control other people’s thoughts or actions. We have to learn to live in spite of the outside world. The building of coping and life skills through spiritual foundation can be invaluable to a child, especially since most children feel like their power resides in the choices of others.

With all this in mind, again, let’s look at the mission of this article. We cannot actually remove our children from the violence in the world today, because no matter how far away we move, violence is a part of our everyday life. But we can give our kids the tools to understand life in a way that doesn’t promote violence and destruction.

Let’s stop acting like it is OK that our kids are exposed to senseless violence in movies and TV. I am not promoting censorship, but our attitudes will help dictate how our children see these things. If we are acting like it is OK or “cool,” then why wouldn’t we think our kids would think the same thing?

Ask yourself with what things are you lenient that you should tighten up on and with what things should you give more freedoms? What are you teaching your children when you are not mentally and spiritually present?

Sit with yourself and a piece of paper and think of some of the discussion topics that you feel you need to start opening the lines of communication around, then just start. Start talking about the values of your faith and what is means to them. Talk about almost anything with your children to help forge the connection with you as the parent and the supporter of spiritual development. Don’t get stuck on how to do this or what to say. Sometimes it isn’t about the “how” but the “do.” And don’t forget to incorporate spirituality into almost everything.

Just imagine if all parents started doing the same.

Blessed Be!!

Time…. something that we never have enough of and can’t get back.  No matter how hard you try, you cannot get time back time once that moment passes and can only invest your energy in the moments that have yet to come.  People spend so much time worrying about the time that is gone that they don’t know how to value the present and this is a huge problem for many families today.

When a family sits down to prioritize the myriad of issues that require attention, often the things that take the top of the list are those things that have to do with physical survival or providing financially.  What happens with we do not make spending time with one another a priority?

How often do we complain that the make up of families in America are changing and the values we once treasured in society are less present for children today?  It is often that I walk down the street and shake my head at a kid that is cursing or acting out, thinking in my head “where are your parents and your manners?”.  I know I am not the only one who have these thoughts and often talk to others about their observations of our changing times.  Could these changes have anything to do with our societal structure that now puts more value in material and financial rewards than those of emotionally healthy children?  These are thoughts we must contemplate and change.

If everyone took the time to put their family at the top of the list, we might be able to change some of the culture of America that forces households to put work over family.  We can start small by taking away the power that time holds over us and reassessing how we choose to spend our time with those we love.   No career, pay check, problem or materialistic outcome can replace the time that is lost with your children and your family.  If we are not able to sacrifice our time, one of our most valuable assets, we cannot expect any one else to make our family more of a priority than we do.

One of the best gifts that we can give to our families and to ourselves is the ability to enjoy the moment we are in and celebrate the incredible opportunity we have to raise our children and constuct the dynamic of our family.  This conversation is not meant to devalue the incredible sacrifice that working families make to provide for their families, I am one of those people.  Instead I am reminding all of us that each moment we have a chance to weave a wonderful creation for our family, we should seize the chance and make it a priority to construct the most sturdy and powerful product that we can.  Imagine what we could do if reprioritize and put all of our power into what we are creating.

Happy weaving!!