Pagan Parenting, Special Needs Style
March 8, 2011 in Guests
photo courtesy of photos8.com
I have now been a parent for almost 3 years – and the entirety of my parenting experience has been both as a Pagan, and as the parent of a child with some complex medical issues. My son was a micro-preemie. He has had a tracheostomy since he was five months old, and has a string of diagnoses best described as “alphabet soup” for all the acronyms involved. He is truly a miracle child, in every sense of the word – his trach is coming out this year, he is largely age-appropriate for his milestones (except speech), and other than the trach, most people would never know what a rocky start he had.
The combination leads to feeling pretty isolated at times though. Many of the special needs parenting communities are overwhelmingly Christian, and while most of the folks there are very nice, it’s occasionally become an issue. Many of the Pagan parenting groups have a hard time knowing what to do with a family with the challenges we face.
As a side note, I see the same challenges when we, as a community, talk about adults with disabilities too. As time goes by, I notice more elders who are, for lack of a better term, elderly, with many of the physical and other health challenges that age can bring. And we don’t always do a great job of figuring out how to meet those needs.
A while back, a group started on facebook – Pagans Parenting Special Needs [http://www.facebook.com/#!/group.php?gid=120730454644282] – but it’s usually very quiet.
This past weekend, though, I had the honor of attending and presenting at Convocation, here in Michigan. One of the workshops I presented was on doing energy work with younger children, and in to the workshop walked another family with a little boy with a tracheostomy. True, his other challenges were different than my son’s, but as rarely as we see anyone else with a trach, it was quite a surprise. And a clear message: our family is not alone. There are others out there – others who face the same sorts of issues with managing their child’s unique needs while maintaining their Pagan faith – going to rituals & festivals (or not) while watching for things that will cause difficulties, interacting with a medical system that’s frequently not sure what to do with families who aren’t Christian….and probably feeling just as alone as I do from time to time.
Are you out there, reading this right now?
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I have a bit of experience with what you are talking about. Instead I will tell you what I am seeing in what you write and my thoughts in what spirit is saying to me as I read what you wrote.
You looking for support. Period.
My view on children with special needs is that these are beings put on this earth with a tremendous amount of courage, strength and they are our teachers. To lead us to our highest most loving, compassionate self. That is my spiritual “take” on these special children. In my life time I saw a blind child riding a horse by himself and directing the horse to where the councilors were calling him, by listening. I will never forget the beauty and miracle of that. I learned that he has ability, not dis-ability. No lables
With that said;
I just have a question as to why being Pagan would have anything to do with receiving a community of support for yourself and your child?
There are some places in my mind whereby leaving religion at home and embracing people will have more of a benefit for yourself and your child.
Sometimes I think saying I am here for myself and my child is a much more spiritual and loving endeavor. No matter what you believe; being open to simply receive love from whom ever you can, where ever you can, by all means that you can and give in return is the blessing.
You know I believe the Goddess is within every woman no matter what faith it is that people follow.
There are just as many Jewish, Christian and Buddhist children and parents going through the same thing.
We dont always get to say how blessings manifest in our lives or how we want them to be. But sometimes keeping ourselves open to them is all that we really need.
Your needs to be understood as a Pagan can be met by Pagan People whereas your needs to be understood and supported as a mother with a very special child can be met by those who are in the same boat. Love and compassion is a universal language.
May you find loving blessings in people around you and may your child and you have a happy, healthy and wonderful life.
I hope this makes sense and I hope it sets you free to fly with your child to places your needs can be met.
Liza
Certainly we have a few (very few) places where everyone leaves religion at the door, and we support each other, no questions asked, based on the issues our children have. But those places are few and far between, and even many support groups that claim to be faith-neutral aren’t in practice.
But, for all that there are places like that…for us, our religious beliefs – our faith – is woven into the fabric of our lives. It is not something packed away, only to be brought out on special occasions. It makes it hard to discuss things that are part of our everyday lives when we’re not allowed to mention them at all.
It’s hard to have a conversation along the lines of “I want to take my child to X festival, but I’m wondering how things there are when it comes to Y situations” or “how do I adjust a ritual for my child with these issues” when the people you’re discussing with have no idea what you’re talking about.
From experience, most people (even Pagans) have no idea how to answer these sorts of questions with useful answers. If you have no experience with either end of the question – the festival or ritual activity, or the child’s specific need – you’re likely to not know how to answer, or to guess wrong when you do answer.
So…yes, we have some support systems in place. At this point though, our religious community isn’t one of them – and that’s sad. It’s something I think we as a community are going to have to come to terms with as we mature.
Ahhh well. I did my best to offer a possible solution. If that solution does not work for you I understand and it’s ok. I wish you the best of luck. Blessed be.
Liza
I can relate in a small way. My son was early but without any medical issues but he did have some of the usual baby issues that made me a more nervous Mom. I had and still have a need to know the specifics of activities other than when and where so I can plan things out in my mind.
I think finding a Pagan community is hard. I’ve looked in my area and haven’t found anything that would work for us. Activities are all scheduled for the night time.
Good luck finding your community, maybe as your child gets older something will fit.
I won’t get all hurt if the answer is yes-and-it-didn’t-work, but have you tried writing articles on Witchvox and seeing if you can scare up a community that way? Even if it’s just long distance to begin with, I can envision a trip to someplace like Disney World for all of you in the future!!! No, I have no child w/ special needs, in fact mine are all grown up. I was also pagan at one time, for many years, but I’ve returned to Christianity, just to let you know there are some of out here that wouldn’t care a lick that you were pagan. In fact, ppl ought to be ashamed of themselves for not taking the opportunity to learn more about what helps ppl make it thru their lives, what floats their boats, as it were, which is whatever faith a person chooses, or none at all. I will pray for you, just as I’m busily praying for the lady who’s link I followed to get here. She’s got a few problems on her hands right now too. May the Star Goddess, the dust of Whose feet are the hosts of Heaven bless you and you family. And may Mother Mary also support you in your times of trouble and stress – she, of all mothers, understands completely. Blessed Be, Sister. Here’s to you making wise the unknowing and finding a group of like minded families. It’s a spreading religion, there’s hope. annathule