A Ritual for Heart Ease
An unfortunate part of love is often heart break. Two weeks ago, a good friend of mine broke up with her long term partner and started the process of rebuilding her life. She’s been staying with me as she works out all the details of what she needs to do before she can start all over again.
Those of us who have long term partners forget what it’s like not to share household responsibilities and bills. She’s had to find a new apartment, buy new furniture, assemble all the goods a basic household needs, put utilities in her name and start thinking about buying her own car.
And that’s not even taking into account the emotional turmoil of ending a serious relationship and starting to think about the “you” as singular and not the “you” as plural anymore. (Assisting in this transition makes me even more appreciative of the fact that I have a solid relationship).
Unfortunately, as most of us who have done this a few times know, love is not always enough. As Pagans we usually celebrate the balance of life, but in these scenarios it is usually hard to focus on the good things around us. It’s hard to let go of your anger and hurt over a relationship that might have been. Losing a partner, for any reason, can make it seem like the world is ending.
And in some ways it is. The life you had with that person is gone and a new one is beginning. Transition is never easy, but there are things we can do to make it a little easier.
The most important part of a transition like this is being ready for it mentally and emotionally. If you’re still holding onto the relationship, there is no magic in the world that will help fix things. But once you’re ready for an ending and ready to find some peace and healing, here is a little something to help things along.
What you need:
Something your ex gave you (a letter, a card, a small gift, a piece of clothing, it does not have to be significant, but it needs to be something that they gave to you specifically).
An outdoor fire pit of some variety, with everything necessary to build a fire
A piece of quartz (I would use Rose, but use what feels appropriate)
Household cleaning supplies (whatever you prefer to use that will bring you the most comfort)
Start out the day of a full moon.
First, clean your house or your personal space. As you clean, think about getting rid of the person’s energy and presence in your life. Gather up all the hard feelings you’ve been carrying with you as you clean. The harder you scrub, the more effective this will be. Mop your floors; clean the floorboards that you usually ignore. Scrub your bathroom and your kitchen. Dust your nooks and crannies. Put clutter away. Do your laundry. And while you do this, think of all the things that you used to do with this person that you no longer want any part of. Let all your anger and sorrow come to the surface. Drag those feelings out of your house.
Once your house is clean and you are exhausted and sweaty, go through each room and toss a handful of sea salt across your floors. Go through each room with your broom and say “I reclaim this house for myself. I reclaim my life for myself” and sweep up the salt. Toss the salt out your front door and say, “this house and life is mine”. Go back through your house and sprinkle lavender oil (as much or as little as you want) throughout the rooms you just cleaned and say “I welcome happiness, healing and peace back into this home”.
Next, with an item from your ex and your quartz, go to your fire pit and build a fire. Don’t bathe beforehand; go out in your cleaning clothes and all the grime you accumulated from the house cleaning. Set your quartz near your fire pit and sit in front of the fire. Bring all that angry energy that you gathered as you cleansed your house to the front of your mind and start feeding it energetically to the fire as your fire grows into a healthy flame.
When your fire is dancing merrily start telling the fire everything that was wrong with the relationship. If you need to scream it out, do it. Take all that upset and hurt and let it loose. You don’t have to be nice or patient or kind, say all the things you always wanted to say. When you’ve gotten everything out, take the item that you brought with you and feed it to the fire. As it burns thank the fire for taking your anger.
Sit for a little while and really let all that anger drain out of you into the fire. Enjoy the night around you, soak up the full moon you’re sitting under.
When you’re calm and the anger is gone, start telling the fire all the things that you loved about the relationship, the things that you’ll miss, the good qualities of the person that you are no longer with. Let out your sorrow over what might have been. Feed this energy into your quartz. When there is nothing left to say, set your quartz back by the fire and offer it to the the goddess of your choice.
Let your fire burn out and meditate on the new life you’re going to build. When your fire is completely out (and you’ve made sure to bank any coals that are left), go back inside, take off your dirty clothing and take a long bath (you can put more lavender oil in the bath with you). Wash away the dirt and the grime of cleaning your house and working with the fire. Wash away any painful energy that is left. Go to bed and sleep.
Sleep as late as you want, in the morning, take the quartz and place it in a body of running water. Let the water carry your grief away. Take a deep breath, turn around, walk away and don’t look back.
*As a side note, many people prefer to do rituals like this by themselves, but a ritual like this can be even more effective with the people who love and support you helping. This is totally up to what you feel is appropriate. I would invite the friends who had helped me work through the end of the relationship. Other friends of mine have liked to do these things with their mothers and sisters. This can also help the people you love put some closure on a relationship that affected their lives as well.