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The Lady’s Blessings

May 14, 2013 in Guests, Hearth and Home, Uncategorized

On Mother’s Day I was thinking about the women who have influenced my life over the years, of course my own Mom, and also other Mothers, Aunties, Granma’s, friends and mentors along my journey. There are a few who helped bring huge changes to my life, and I would like to share a few stories in honour of the Divine Feminine that touches every person.

My Mom was gracious and married late in life, my parents adopted a toddler and decided to take on another baby boy and went to a different orphanage in Scotland. I was 6 weeks old and had arrived the day before their visit, I’d been 4lbs 2oz at birth and was up to 7lbs by then, though I must have been tiny because my Mom to be thought I was a doll at first. She was horrified that such a “wee babe” was in the children’s home, and felt compelled to see me properly, that was the beginning of our relationship in this life. My parents immigrated to Canada when I was 4, my Dad got work but Mom didn’t even though she had a doctorate degree. She ended up assisting my father who was also a professor, transforming his research notes into papers for scientific journals, meticulously drawing all the strange microscopic creatures, I marvelled at her skill. Mom had been one of the first female Professors at Berkley University in the 1940’s, then returned to Scotland to be with her family and began doing research on animal pathogens at Edinburgh University before she married. My Mother had been financially independent before we immigrated, she never made a cent from the work she did to support my father, and it was something that wasn’t talked about.

I was around 7 when we were in a car accident that left her permanently injured, somehow I fell  into the floor space behind the front seats and the car crumpled around me, Mom wasn’t so lucky. Her life became filled with pain, Dr’s appointments, procedures, physio, endless meds etc. she changed from a social person to a shut in. I took on the house chores and began to resent that I was expected to, Mom and I always seemed to be bickering and arguing, there was more disapproval than support, we didn’t do activities together anymore, and I missed the Mother I had before the accident. As the years passed our conflicts grew more serious, by the time I was 12 the whole family unit was in crisis and falling apart. I left home at the first opportunity that presented itself and dissolved all ties; it took me until my mid 20’s to connect again.

My Mom and I sat down and had a very honest, difficult and painful conversation, we both cried and apologized for our hurtful words and behaviour towards each other in the past. I understood that she had also been hurting, scared and frustrated, and we were able to mend our relationship. My Mom passed when I was 27; we had a lengthy phone call the day before, sharing our life experiences, laughing and appreciating our connection. I love you.

When I was a girl women from our church would show up and whisk me away for an afternoon or weekend, they brought meals and baking for my family. I learned to knit bandages to hymns, a kind of magic in itself, we made old cards into baskets, I discovered the mystery of suspending fruit in gelatine, that washing machines were useful for cleaning baby dills before pickling and how baking soda and lemon juice cleaned just about everything. Daisy, Edna, Beda, Cathy, Granma Taylor thank you!

Kate and I sat outside the office of the women’s transition house one stormy night. Her first words were “Do I look as bad as you?” I replied “I hope it looks better that it feels!” we grinned and became allies. Our friendship grew, we talked about our dreams, how next time we would break the cycle, we knew we didn’t deserve abuse. That was so long ago, we have both learned the difference between love and cruelty, and discovered self love in the reflection of each other. Kate you are precious!

Sheila and I met at a women activists group, and we were tired of marching and holding signs in the sun, wind and rain! We mimicked the parody of politics and transformed it into street theatre; we were fabulous together and even got on the news. Your hug is as big as the Universe my beloved Auntie, Wise One, Mother all wrapped in one. When I am an old woman may I be as spry and have a sense of humor like you, you are the beautiful sound of laughter.

My birth mother Valerie, there was no mistaking I am your child; I saw my face reflected in yours for the first time and knew my beginnings. We walked together for a time, you told me of my ancestors, how they once served the Lady, the gifts of our blood. Your love touched me, thank you for carrying me into this life.

Today I am surrounded with beautiful, strong, creative women, I love my HPS and her family as if they were blood kin, and we are a family of choice. I have bonded with my inner circle and we are only one tree in a grove of many others, and we are all connected. The Goddess touches us through our mothers, grandmas, sisters, aunties, female friends and she is also found within every man and boy, her reflection is found within you and in eyes of others. Did you realize the Lady blesses the world through you? Just something to think about

Abundant Blessings

Dawne

 

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Old Traditions, New Traditions

April 8, 2013 in Sage & Scourge

Over the weekend, my family and I had a stupid argument over a chain email my father sent me. Usually his chain emails are vaguely Christian flavored with the sort of “love thy neighbor” attitude that I have no problem with. I can usually glance at them and hit delete. This one however, was lamenting the death of Christian male privilege in our society. (Ha!) Unfortunately I hit reply and opened a big can of worms. I tend to forget that just because my parents are accepting of my Paganism, it does not mean that they are supportive or remember that my lifestyle is not theirs. They are usually quietly befuddled and have a sense of “where did we go so wrong?” about them. They try to cover it up at family gatherings and glide over the fact that their beliefs are not mine.

It’s hard to walk away from the traditions that we were raised with. In some cases you still end up participating in your old practices because of things like family gatherings. One night, a few years ago, my roommate and I were standing at work discussing our plans for the holidays. Our supervisor, an older German lady broke in and exclaimed “I don’t understand you, neither of you are Christian, why do you pretend to celebrate Christmas?”. She looked at my roommate, “you’re an Atheist…” and then she looked at me and wiggled her fingers in an indecisive manner, “and you’re…well…whatever you are!” as if by declaring us non-Christian she was driving the point home. “If you’re going TO BE non-Christian, act like it.” While both of us sat her down and explained that just because we were not Christians, it didn’t mean that our families weren’t. And that we were not only expected to participate in our family activities, that we still enjoyed being a part of our family gatherings for the sake of family itself. this moment always stands out to me as indicative of a larger problem in embracing a new community.

Some of us are lucky and we are starting to see an actual second generation and sometimes even a third of Pagan families. For the rest of us, it’s often hard to leave your background behind you and embrace new traditions. Some continue to celebrate whatever holidays we grew up with and our Pagan ones just to keep the peace. I politely refuse to go to church and when my family’s more religious activities happen, I politely bow out and go entertain myself elsewhere, but…how do we forge new traditions when some people just won’t let you escape the old ones? How do we raise our families with the traditions we embrace and not allow our old traditions to steamroll us into not integrating into our new community?

When you’re practicing two divergent sets of practices, where do you draw the line and say “this is no longer appropriate for me to be a part of” and just say “no”?

For me, I no longer allow my parents to ignore the elephant in the corner of the room. Our exchanges over the weekend were fairly unpleasant, but I hope that it made them look at the fact that I won’t just allow them to ignore a very significant part of my life. These exchanges are never pleasant, but I became Pagan for more than just the Gods. We have a wonderful, divergent community that I feel is just as important for us to embrace as the philosophy itself. We are a religion of practice. My practices are vital to my everyday life.

If I do have children, I will raise them Wiccan. If I get married, I will have a Wiccan ceremony and not be bullied into a Christian ones as several of my friends have been. When I die, I wish to be buried according to my beliefs. I asked my mother at one point who in the family would come to my theoretical wedding. Her reply was “well…I guess your dad and I”. And how sad is that? That the rest of my family wouldn’t want to help me embrace a celebration for something like a wedding? I will make sure that my children understand that while I embrace my faith, if they find another, that will be OK.

I refuse to stay in the closet to make them comfortable. I can live with this now though, so that my children won’t have to. I will take the upset and the confrontation. Leaving our old traditions are hard, but until we do, we can’t ever be free to embrace our new ones and let our families see that just because we haven’t embraced their ways, ours aren’t just as valid and important. It’s one thing to show up to a family meal for a nice piece of ham and pie, it’s quite another to ignore your religion and be untrue to yourself just to make them happy.

 

 

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Shake your worries out!

April 2, 2013 in Guests, Hearth and Home, Pagan Family, Pagan Spirituality

I had the privilege of writing and forming my circle’s Ostara ritual this year, I do have to say it wasn’t the standard plant the seeds you have already chosen at Imbolc theme. We see the Lady and Lord as the Bright Maiden of Spring and the Divine Youth of the Sun at this time of year, they celebrate the new life sprouting and budding all around us. I really think of the fun and innocence of childhood at this season, it’s a time of beginnings, of promises we make to ourselves and each other. The world is waking up after a long sleep; the secrets and mysteries we discovered in the shadows of winter can now be looked at and appreciated in daylight. The world is filled with hopefulness and optimism for the future, plans are set in motion, the foundations to root, nurture and grow the seeds, projects, changes we want to make are ready.

Spring is a wonderful time, all the drabness of winter transforms into fresh green, bird songs fill the air again, insects return, the creatures of the forest are busy finding or making dens, even the eagles where I live are rebuilding or creating new nests. Every creature is preparing for the growing season, the sun entices us to be outdoors, subtle scents travel on the wind, breezes scatter blossoms, a feeling of excitement and potential just saturates the air.  It was this feeling I wanted to capture in our ritual, it is a good thing to have goals and plans, yet sometimes the work involved to create the future harvest feels and sometimes literally is a daunting task. I decided to focus on mirth and stress relief for our ritual, so we played the laughing game, basically the leader starts laughing and the next person has to laugh better than the previous one all the way round the circle. The second round involves laughing about a problem you are experiencing, the leader starts again, it goes something like this… “Ha! Ha! Ha!  It’s going to be another financially challenging month! He He He!”  The next person goes and so on, all are encouraged to laugh with each other, and it’s a fun way to release stress. During the third round people lie on the floor with heads together and create a laughing wave, it’s almost like chanting with a new laugh picking up while another is fading out. We were all literally rolling on the floor laughing! If you want to learn more about these techniques check out laughter yoga.

For our activity and working we made Bleggs, and we shook our worries out. A Bliss Egg is a fun version of a worry stone, it’s used to shake your worries away, and it just happens to be made with those plastic eggs that surround us at this time of year and a few magical ingredients that fit inside. My eggs had jingle bells for mirth, seeds to grow beyond your worries, googly eyes to see things from a different perspective, various words, stickers, small paper flowers for spring and foam happy faces inside. Our bleggs were empowered with a song and we literally shook our eggs and ourselves to shake our worries out. The idea is to shake the bliss egg whenever life feels more like a challenge than an adventure and to think of the qualities it holds.

I know some “fundamental” Pagans would be horrified at this ritual though there was the usual structure to it. I see the 8 Sabbats as times to celebrate, moon rituals are the time I do “serious” work, and our holy days are family friendly, that means I need to accommodate everyone from our youngest 7yr old to our beautiful grandmother crone.  I’m always delighted when our young participants offer to pass out the cakes and drink after they are blessed, it makes it a double blessing in my eyes, though some say it’s because they want to see how much is left over for later. (chuckle) Could be, it doesn’t matter, I just think its way cool that they want to be involved! You know how they say witches are born, some of us discover our truth, and some don’t. I think there be young witches among us!

If you are having challenges, remember to laugh and just blegg it!

My Blegg!

My Blegg!

Abundant Blessings

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Adjusting Our Tradition…

March 14, 2013 in Everyday Magick, Guests

We are just about a week out from Ostara. Granted, when I look out my kitchen window in the morning, I see nothing but a blanket of white yet… but Spring is on its way. It will be here, even though right now, it surly don’t feel like we are ever going to see it.

Either way, Ostara is in about a week. My daughter is three now. The last couple of years we really didn’t do much other than balance eggs on their end on the Equinox. That has been a family tradition for as long as I can remember. You go and dig the eggs out of the fridge and try to balance them on the pointy end. One is only supposed to be able to balance the eggs on the first day of spring. We have never tried it any other day of the year; I realize, it should be able to be done of the autumn equinox as well…. but this is a spring tradition.

Picture is from 2012 "egg-balancing" on the equinox.

Picture is from 2012 “egg-balancing” on the equinox.

Like I said, my daughter is three. I want to start incorporating traditions for her into our Ostara celebration. Let’s be honest, until this year… I was doing all the motions, but it was for me so I could take picture of her. This year is going to be so different, at least I hope!

Now, growing up… I was raised Roman Catholic. Obviously then, I celebrated Easter with my family, and we had the “Easter Bunny” come to our house. It wasn’t until I was much older and beginning as a newbie that I realized the significance of the “Easter Bunny” in relation to being a Pagan. I liked the symbolism of egg hunts in regards to Osiris and Isis and the story of their love. I enjoyed the symbolism of  the sun and moon with the eggs.  Then again, eggs and rabbits go hand in hand with the spirit of the season (fertility anyone?).

This has brought me to my current feelings, as it stands. My child is going to have an “Easter Bunny”, but we are reverting back to the original spelling of Eastre for our visiting bunny. (Partly, I am doing this because our house isn’t totally out of the “broom closet” with all aspects of our family. We just aren’t ready to deal with some of them yet.)  I want my daughter to associate the bunny for what it was meant to be and represent to us as Pagans.  Granted, I am not going to be explaining to a 3 year old the significance of a bunny in regards to all the aspects with fertility, but I firmly believe that I want her to associate the bunny with the holiday it was meant for. Besides that, even as a Christian raised child, I enjoyed the mystery of the bunny. Why wouldn’t I want that for her? I want her to experience the wonderment and joy of searching for colored eggs in and around our home and a basket of goodies. I will take her on an egg hunt this year as well, hopefully I can find a children’s book about the love story of Isis and Osiris to read to her as well, otherwise I will be doing my best rendition of the story as I can remember it. (this would be the time for me to say that if any of you know of one published, please contact me…)

So as we creep ever closer to Ostara, my daughter and I will start doing more and more art projects with the theme of eggs and spring. I will be doing my best to try and teach her what Ostara means to us. My only hope is that she has fun, the rest will come with time, and I know that. =)

To each and everyone of you… May you have a very blessed Ostara and a wonderful year of abundance ahead!

 

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Pagans and Family

February 25, 2013 in Sage & Scourge

A few weeks ago, we had a chat here on The Pagan Household about the idea of family. Patrick, our intrepid leader, expressed his fear that a lot of people don’t come to The Pagan Household because they don’t think that they are family oriented, or that because they don’t have children this is not the website for them. In other words, Pagans do not always identify with the term “family.”

I do not have children. My partner and I are not married. Nonetheless, we are a family. Our Pagan people are our family. I think this website is about more than what our overall society defines as a “traditional family unit”. Within Paganism we have every combination of family: single parents with children, same-sex partners, covens as family, polyamory: I think we are here to celebrate whatever form your family takes.

My curmudgeonly Wiccan and I

My Curmudgeonly Wiccan and I

One of the reasons that I was first drawn to Paganism (outside of my need to find the Gods) was because through Paganism, I found my people. In the Pagan community I found the community that I belong to. It’s very rare for me to come across someone else who identifies as Pagan that I don’t enjoy hanging out with, at least in short durations. The Pagan community brings me such joy. I love going to the large gatherings and seeing the many and various forms of people that our community attracts. We have such color, creativity and talent to offer. Our imaginations are endless. In fact, I think we’re the coolest thing since sliced bread.

We create things like this!

We create things like this! Bottle Tree at Sirius Rising, Brushwood Folklore Center 2012

I consider my pirate crew in Ohio as my family. My coven here in New Orleans is also my family. They may not be blood (and this is not saying that my blood family isn’t just as important to me), but my Pagan family is my chosen family. I think we get lucky in this life to eventually find our chosen family, and I know that, sadly, some people never do. I am amongst the lucky ones, and this is something for which I give thanks to the Gods every day. My life would be a lonely place without my people.

Pirates!

Pirates!

When I have a depressing moment where I think I’m too weird or wonder why I couldn’t be “normal”, I touch base with my people and realize that I would never want my life to be any different than it is, that the “normal” people have very dull lives in comparison to mine.

My family sings together.

My family sings together.

The tradition I practice is big about this concept of community. When you are welcomed into Blue Star, you are welcomed into “the family”. We fight, we bicker, sometimes we even ignore each other, but at the end of the day, what family doesn’t? Last weekend while at PantheaCon, I received my first degree Initiation and it really was a homecoming for me.

As an overall community we need to reassess what we define as family. I don’t know that I will ever have children. I am not at a place in my life where they are something to consider yet, but my lack of children does not negate the value of my family unit. The overall community that we live in is working hard to redefine the idea of family, and while the Pagan community is generally extremely liberal in how we regard family, I think we still have some deeply rooted expectations of what a family looks like.

I think a family consists of people who love each other, trust each other, and are willing to support each other when times are tough. I hope that other people agree. What form does your family take? I would love to hear your stories and see your pictures. I think it’s only through showing our own personal stories that we can connect with the greater whole to redefine the concepts behind words like “family,” and this website is a great place to start.

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Salmon and Hazel

January 14, 2013 in Sage & Scourge

During this time of year, my tradition talks about the Salmon of Knowledge.

The Salmon was said to eat the hazelnuts that dropped down the well of Wisdom.  There was an old legend that said that anyone who could catch the Salmon and take the first bite would be granted all the wisdom of the world.

An old druid set out to catch the Salmon and after nine years, finally did. He gave it to his apprentice and with explicit instructions told him to cook it, but not to take a bite! For that bite was meant for him.

The apprentice was a good lad and followed the instructions to the letter. But, when the Salmon had just finished cooking, the hot oil popped and splattered, burning the boy’s finger. Not even thinking about it, the boy sucked on the burn and thus had the first bite of the fish. When the apprentice took the fish to the old druid, the old druid realized what had happened and with good humor gave the apprentice the rest of the fish to eat.

Several different Celtic heroes are said to have been this boy, who went on to do great things.

This is also a time when I focus on divination. Supposedly hazel trees grow in places where the veil is thin and can assist you with divination. Here are a few things that you can do with hazelnuts with your family. The hazel is a fairly common tree and even just the act of gathering the nuts and branches can be a fun family outing.

It’s said that if you eat a meal of Salmon and hazelnuts, your meditations will be deeper and more clear. If you have something specific to work through in meditation, eat this meal to find the answer you need.

Take nine hazelnuts and bore holes in them. String these together, (some say to use black string, others say to use red, I think you should pick the color that makes the most sense to you). You can make as many of these as you like and hang them throughout the house for luck. (I’ve done this and it really is a fun family activity).

You can also take branches that have fallen off the hazel tree and leave them on your windowsills for protection for your house. (This is a good charm against fire).

If you have small children that have nightmares, work with them to make a wand from a hazel branch. Show them how to draw a circle around their bed with the wand. This will keep nightmares away. This can also be a good bedtime ritual to do every night and can be used to teach about the place of ritual in our lives.

If you give a new bride a basket of hazelnuts it will bless her new family with fertility. (Be careful with this one!)

If you have teenage daughters that are confused about which boys to ask out…have them take hazelnuts and toss them on a bonfire while calling out the names of the boys they are interested in. The one that pops the loudest is the one they should ask out on a date!

If you’re wondering if you should accept a proposal, you can put two hazelnuts on a charcoal to divine how the relationship will work out. If the hazelnuts stay together and roast evenly, the relationship will be stable and last for a long time. If the hazelnuts pop and role away from each other, the relationship won’t last.

Burning hazel branches on the night of your wedding is also said to bring luck to your marriage.

The hazel shows up in Greek mythology as well. Hermes’ caduceus was made from hazel, which was a gift from Apollo. While hazel itself does not have many healing properties (you can mix crushed hazelnuts with mead to sooth a cough), the presence of hazel in the house is said to help assist the healing process if someone is very ill.

And if nothing else, roasting hazel nuts is a warm and delicious treat on the long cold nights of this time of year!

 

Hazelnut Encrusted Salmon Recipe:

Original recipe makes 4 servings

Ingredients:

1 pound salmon fillet, cut into 4 pieces

1/2 cup fat-free mayonnaise

1/2 cup chopped hazelnuts

2 teaspoons minced fresh tarragon

1/2 teaspoon orange zest

1/2 teaspoon salt

1/8 teaspoon ground black pepper

Directions:

  1. Preheat oven to 400 degrees F (200 degrees C). Spray a baking sheet with cooking spray.
  2. Arrange salmon on the baking sheet and spread with equal amounts mayonnaise. Top with hazelnuts and sprinkle with tarragon, orange zest, salt and pepper.
  3. Bake 15 minutes in the preheated oven, or until fish flakes easily with a fork.

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Living Daily In Perfect Love and Perfect Trust

June 19, 2012 in A Community Without Walls, Pagan Spirituality

Perfect Love and Perfect Trust, what exactly does that phrase mean? We see it casually and not-so-casually tossed around in the Pagan Community by more than just Wiccans, but by Pagans of myriad denominations of Traditions and cultures, yet often times it is thrown out there only in certain circumstances. Today we are going to delve into the mysteries of Perfect Love and Perfect Trust to take a look at where it comes from, what meaning it may hold for you, and what it has to teach us.

Perusing through the community across the globe, I have noticed that many people have attempted to hold open discussions on this topic, yet many people were unwilling to participate because they were afraid of being caught up in semantics, so I’d like to clear the air about a few things before we go much farther into this. For the purposes of this article, “perfection” is a very loose term that is entirely based upon your own unique perception. Perfection has been defined as “flawless” but we know that nothing in life is ever flawless. Amongst Pagans it is often the flaws in things that make them the most beautiful in our eyes. So, solely for the purposes of this article to avoid any confusion, perfection is relative and means here, “perfect enough.” Or more specifically, something that is perfect enough for you, the reader.

A short while ago, somebody asked what it means to live in Perfect Love and Perfect Trust, and when I responded, I was met with a reply from an individual who stated that those particular concepts were solely Wiccan tenants and do not apply anywhere else. Do all Pagans follow the concept of Perfect Love or Perfect Trust? So I took a look at history and came to find that most everyone, Pagan and Non-Pagan alike have followed some version of this in one form or fashion. “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you” the Golden Rule of Life. “An it harm none, do as thou will” the Wiccan Rede. We have known the concept of “In perfect love and perfect trust” under many different guises, the only thing that truly changed was the degree of love and trust shared amongst individuals in any given situation, and each individual’s own perceived notion of “perfection”, “love”, and “trust” which all vary from person to person.

Many people in the community believe that “in perfect love and perfect trust” is actually two different tenants which are very different, and of the two, trust is the hardest to accommodate in modern society. I have heard people claim that without this tenant, they could not accomplish as much magickally within circle. Some believe that it is the practice and belief that in order to effectively function within a circle, you must be able to trust and love your coven members implicitly. However a common faction I have seen in many an explanation of this phrase is that nobody ever notices the depth behind the words.

When I research topics, I look to even the less-than-credible sites to see what people of varying beliefs and traditions, from cultures all over the world, have to say, not just the “authorities” on Paganism. According to Yahoo! Answers, the popularly accepted answer is to love and trust without reservation because everyone within the Craft and without are here for help and guidance, though trust is still a hard commodity these days.  

“The notion of perfect love and perfect trust is a simple one: that you are safe within the circle of your coven’s practices. To stand in a circle with someone is to share an intimate — and often vulnerable — space with them, and it can only be done effectively with someone whom you trust implicitly. By that same token, if we are able to love our coven brothers or sisters, we are able to trust them with our safety and our lives.” (Patti Wingington, Paganwiccanabout.com)

There are limitless versions of explanations on this topic available to the world, however our goal today is to get beyond just the understanding of the literal meanings behind the phraseology and to delve deeper. I’m talking about living “In perfect love and perfect trust,” the daily practical and spiritual applications to incorporate the concept into your everyday life. It has been my experience that it is important to acknowledge that the concept of “perfect love” and “perfect trust” are essential to life, and do not strictly apply only to your life within a sacred circle, but rather to all aspects of your life, especially in love, lust, and romance when developing any type of relationship with anyone, be it platonic friends, family, professional or otherwise.

For a practitioner of the Craft, the word “love” is an imprecise term. Many cultures all over the world have many different terms for different kinds of love. Most people in modern society today don’t take the time to think about all of the forms of love that actually exist, or about what we really mean when we mention the word “love.”  Generally, we tend to think of love as an intense emotion portraying romantic affection or tenderness for someone or something. We often tend to fail to understand that the quality of the love, or the “flavor” as Christopher Penczak put it, is dependent upon the type of relationship you have developed. The type of relationship generally tends to dictate the level of affection, more directly the kind of love we are feeling. There is a very large and very specific difference between the types of love and relationships out there.

The love between parents and children is different from the love between siblings. One might even argue that the love between mothers and sons, mothers and daughters, fathers and sons, and fathers and daughters is very different. No one type of love is greater or better than the other, they are just different in terms of how they feel and their role in our society. The love between family members is different from the love between to passionate sexual partners. We often use the term “make love” to denote sexual intercourse, yet sex and love can be two entirely separate things. As Penczak suggests, you could have sex with someone and not really love them, or have an emotional connection, and you can love someone and never have sex with them. Romantic love can be unrequited and never consummated through sexual union, but it is still romantic love. You also have the love between friends who are not sexually involved nor related by family.

Honestly we use the term “love” for when we really enjoy something or someone, or feel we really need or want something. I personally love chocolate, I love hiking, I love healthy debates and moonlit strolls along the beach, but my love for hiking is different from my love for debates, and it sure as hell is different from my love for chocolate (we kind of have an on-again-off-again affair going on, even when I’m happily taken.) All of those types of love are still very different from my love of my parents or the love of a significant other. Yet we use the same word to describe all of these many different and very complex relationships, which makes it very difficult to truly understand the depth of different loves.

So what exactly is “perfect love?” It has often been considered one of the highest spiritual achievements beyond the personal sphere. This kind of love is called unconditional love, which is a love for, of, and by the Divine. Divine love has nothing to do with the physical world of material needs (the personal world) but rather of the impersonal world. Many mystics call this Perfect Love, the love that the Divine has for us, for we are divine. What we call “imperfect” love is a personal and attached love. This latter is also very divine, yet fully human, and it is in the experience of any love in the human world that we get a glimpse of the perfect divine love. Nothing can be done or said to take away this divine love. No matter what kind of love we discover and explore, all forms of love can lead us to the Divine. The most important key to understanding all forms of love and relationships is self-love.  You must love yourself and have self-esteem before you can really experience true love for anyone or anything else.

There are several cultures around the world that have a much deeper understanding of the word love, such as the ancient Greeks. Their culture had very specific names for different types of love: eros, phileo, agape, and stergo.

Eros—Sexual or romantic love. Eros was a divine force for life, usually paired with Thanatos, the death force, and personified into the son of Aphrodite, giving us the first image that would later develop into our popular notion of Valentine’s Cupid, taking its name from Eros’s Roman counterpart and portrayed as a beautiful youth with winds and a bow and arrows, “shooting” others to inspire love. In modern Freudian psychology, it is used as a term for the libido, the urge for sexual pleasure and self-preservation.

Phileo—To have affection, not necessarily in a sexual sense. IT can refer to the love that comes with a sense of brotherhood.

Agape—A word rarely used in ancient manuscripts, but when it was, it denoted family or spousal love or the love of a particular activity. Sometimes it was used in reference to divinity, as it was used in a Greek title for the goddess Isis, Agape Theon—“beloved of the gods”—and later adopted by Christians to denote Christ’s divine, unconditional, voluntary, self-sacrificing love. It is also references in forms of modern ceremonial magick.

Stergo—A parental love, used for the love of a parent for children or the love a ruler has for his people. Stergo is how some people see religious or divine love from a parental divinity. Today this is typified by the image of the biblical Father God of Judeo-Christianity. To the mystic and Witch, however, divine love, Perfect Love, is beyond stergo.

(Penczak, Witch’s Heart)

Love is used as a term for developing relationships of any number of types, as well as a term used for divinity, a force flowing through us all. It has even been said that love is the ultimate form of energy, the best way to fuel your magick. In order to accept all of these forms of Love in order to create your own version of Perfect Love, you must be willing to keep yourself open to possibilities, open to the opportunity of love. So what exactly is “Perfect” love? That depends entirely upon you. What is perfect enough for you? How could you love something (or multiple somethings) in your life unconditionally? Just remember that when looking for love, you should be very careful what you ask for.

Now that you have explored a bit more deeply into what it means to love, does trust seem to be the most difficult objective to accomplish? Some argue that you couldn’t truly love someone if you didn’t develop some form of trust with them. I can’t say that I entirely agree. While both love and trust come naturally, they don’t always come hand-in-hand. Sometimes you have to work on developing one more than the other. Love will almost always come in some form or fashion, even if it isn’t in the form you were hoping for. Trust, on the other hand, is something you generally have to actively work on.

It is ideal to be able to trust everyone unconditionally within a circle with whom you are working magick and raising energy, but what about showing some of that unconditional and unreserved love outside of circle? I got my start in a traditional denomination of Witchcraft, so I do understand the concept of creating your own sacred space, however as a Shaman I also believe that everywhere I am is sacred space, within myself and in the world around me. The key to learning how to trust others is to acknowledge and practice trust in yourself. We are all human, we all make mistakes. It is inevitable that we will be disappointed or let down, possibly even betrayed by someone close to us, but that shouldn’t keep us from learning to trust others. We ourselves fall victim to disappointing others. I believe that unconditional trust can be shown by trusting others without expecting anything or commanding anything in return from them. Forgiveness and personal growth are what allow us to continue trusting and believing in people, they are what create the sacred spiral to life which permits us to not only recognize our interconnectivity with one another and for the Divine within us all, but also to learn from our mistakes and our successes so that we may move forward and share this unconditional trust with others.

There are limitless ways for us to show others and ourselves how to incorporate “Perfect” love and “Perfect” trust into our lives. For each of us the path to doing so will be different, as we all have our own perceptions on perfection and we each have different levels and degrees of trust and love that we connect with. So long as we learn to recognize it within ourselves we have the ability to live it daily. I believe that this is a key to our own happiness and a higher spirituality. These concepts are a part of what helps to bring the differing branches of our world-wide Pagan community together, and help us to develop a community without walls. These are some of the core concepts upon which many of my events are built. As a community Shaman, I help provide neutral grounds where we may all come together to celebrate our diversity, we rejoice in our differences and share in our similarities. There is no room for judgment when you are living In Perfect Love and Perfect Trust.

 

 

In love and light,

By Rev. Jonathon S. Lowe; HP
(a.k.a; Sacred Flame)
House of Sacred Mother and Child
The Spirit Mountain Project – cofounder
The Community Grimoire Project – Founder
Midnight Star School of Witchcraft – cofounder/Owner/Instructor

[A special thanks to PaganWiccanAbout.com and Yahoo! Questions, and a very special thanks to Christopher Penczak and his book “A Witch’s Heart: The Magick of Perfect Love and Perfect Trust.” For more information on how to develop a healthy relationship of any sort, especially romantically, please check out his book.]

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And Now For Something Completely Different…

May 22, 2012 in Tales from the Silverwolf's Den

Well, I’m not too sure how to go about this whole “introduction” process really without sounding like I’m repeating myself or seemingly making myself sound crazy (which believe me, will eventually happen), so let’s dive in… Shall we?

I’m a young person of big dreams and goals, some of which get lost in my daily routine of juggling too many tasks. But, somehow in the midst of all of this, I found a husband that loves me for all that I am (and yes, this includes the crazy), adopted 6 (yes, 6) animals which consist of 2 dogs and 4 cats, buying a house, becoming more involved with my faith, becoming a High Priestess, starting a local coven, starting a photography business, and just doing about a crap ton of other things that can get to much to list. I can’t explain it really. I’ve always had my hands in about everything I could get to. Though my husband would say that it’s because of the crazy. “You can’t keep it all contained and sit still… That’s just not how crazy works.” <- Yes, that’s my husband for you. Consider me the jack of all trades, master of none. There are few things that I can’t do, and if I don’t know how to do them, there’s a good chance that I haven’t at least tried to learn it or found it on YouTube somewhere (lol).

Well, any who, back to the point of this whole shebang. My obvious goal (besides rationalizing my chaotic behaviors and torturing you) is to try to find a way to incorporate magic into my everyday life, and maybe, just maybe, I’ll be able to reach out to others. Maybe I’ll talk about the husband, or the fur babies, or my coven and what we’re learning, or what I recently have learned, who knows! The world is full of endless possibilities and we cannot even begin to fathom what entertaining things will come to focus when I start pecking away at the keys. I’m always finding random trivia or experiencing the most interestingly epic of days, and as my husband puts it (quite frequently at times) is that there never seems to be a dull moment around me. Most people consider me the comedic relief and find that I’m always there to listen and find a way to make them smile. So, don’t be surprised if most of these come out in a comedic way because that’s how I typically rationalize things.

So, ladies and gentle-hoofs, I leave you with these parting words of wisdom… Wait… Huh, maybe not so much wisdom, but more so of shiggles (do I need to explain that one? lol). My girl friend and I have this weird silly connection when it comes to The Emperor’s New Groove. Let me explain… When one of us starts a line from the movie, we then proceed to spend the next 3-5 minutes quoting random lines from it till we are laughing  our asses off. We can both be pissed off and upset, but when we start this one line… It’s game over and the ‘Van Damme’-esque face quickly fades to the giggly stupidity of laughter and geekiness. Our typical go to line is…”I’ll turn him into a flee….” and if you’ve seen the movie as much as we have (we’re pretty sure we can quote the movie entirely, if not at least 75% of it), you’re probably continuing on with the sentence. It’s OK, I completely understand. Once the train of thought is in motion, you can’t derail it.

The point is, sometimes we all just need to laugh once in a while. Being serious all of the time is mind numbingly boring and depressing. It’s like sitting in high school listening to history teachers (not to offend any teachers out there). So… with that.. Here’s some funny thoughts or questions that I will try to end off with after each blog.  Hope you like it so far and I look forward to seeing you all tomorrow.. You stay Classy there readers ;) .

Lady Noisiu V. Silverwolf

“We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.”

PS…. Here’s an additional Foamy video to make you smile. If you like off the wall topics and rants, you will love him and his squirrely goodness. – Enjoy… Spell-A-Casters- Foamy The Squirrel- Ill Will Press

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Ostara follow-up

April 9, 2012 in Guests

On Ostara, I went back to work – I’ve been on a leave of absence since early November.  It’s a fitting sort of new beginning for the holiday, but not exactly conducive to a big Ostara celebration.

Especially since Acorn too had a new beginning – he started “special ed” preschool the week before Ostara to work on his speech and a few other things. It’s the sort of thing we knew was coming sooner or later….just not quite that soon.

We didn’t even dye eggs.

We sprouted some more sprouts. We lit a candle and read the story of Demeter and Persephone from Circle Round, as well as reading the Ostara tale from Rupert’s Tales.

And then we went to bed, because the school bus comes surprisingly early for a 3 year old.

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Pagans, Hospitals, and Premature Babies

March 20, 2012 in Guests

I have been a parent for 45 months.

In that time, between my two children, we’ve racked up more than 560 days of hospital admissions.

That’s more than 18 months total – more than 1/3 of our nights as parents spent with a child in the hospital.

455 of those days were spent in the NICU – 291 for my first child, and 164 for my second – due to premature birth.

We’re getting to be pros at this hospital thing.

Being in the hospital with a sick child is hard. It’s hard to balance normal things like making sure you eat once in a while and get a shower with staying with your child and taking care of their needs. It’s hard to sleep on the so-called couches and pull-out beds that hospitals allow parents to sleep on in their child’s room, if they let you stay at all. It’s hard to see them in pain, to see the procedures they have to go through, to care for them amongst tubes and wires. It’s hard when you know there’s a chance your child might die.

That whole situation is even harder when you add in being Pagan, when most of the people around you are definitely not.

When you see nurses and doctors who care for your child each day wearing crosses and saint’s medals (or symbols of other faiths – though less common, amongst our various medical teams we have a doctor who wears a hijab and a doctor who wears a yarmulke), you know it’s likely they would have a different opinion of you if they knew your religion.

And that leaves you wondering whether they’d treat your child differently if they knew.

In the NICU, a lot of families have support from their churches. Pastors make calls on parents at their child’s bedside, church members bring meals, gifts show up, and cards get taped to the walls. In the case of one family we met in the NICU, a half dozen men in suits (keep in mind, the rule was no more than 4 people in to see a baby at a time) showed up every night to pray over the tiny boy, blocking out nurses who needed access to care for him.

Pagan families, if they’re lucky, have a Pagan friend or two – usually a member of their coven or grove or someone they know from coffee night – show up once or twice, or call to see how things are going.

Most hospitals don’t have Pagan chaplains of any sort – in my month of hospital bedrest before the birth of my second child, I met all of the chaplains at our “home” hospital (the one we spend the most time in – our home away from home). Only the Jewish chaplain actually asked what faith I was; only one (a chaplain in training) commented on the Goddess statue on my nightstand. If there’s anyone in their files to contact, it’s more than likely me, with a phone number that’s been out of service for several years.

And that leaves us all in a bit of a muddle. We’re afraid to be open about our faith in this very trying time, and often have little or no support from our spiritual community. And spiritual connections are one of the things that can help us get through the crazy times in a hospital setting.

With all that in mind, last year I started a support group for Pagan families who are or have been through the NICU experience. We have a facebook page, a newsletter, twitter, and a blog (all of which are updated as I can, given the medical issues here and the level of care my two former preemies need).

I also wrote an ebook on the subject, “Pagan Parenting in the NICU” – free as a PDF on the blog, but available as a very low cost download in other formats from Smashwords.

We also offer care packages for families currently in the NICU. We haven’t shipped one yet but the intention is to include things many families find useful during their hospital stay – snacks, notepad, and other things for parents, clothing and other baby goods appropriately sized for their child, and some faith related things. As a family, we’ve been doing care packages for the smallest preemies in our home NICU, so we’ve got quite a few things on hand already.

If you’ve been through the NICU rollercoaster, or just want to support other Pagan families, you’re welcome to connect with the group through any of the links listed below. You can sign up for our newsletter on our blog. And If you know of a Pagan family who’s in the midst of the NICU experience, fill out the page on our blog to request a care package (or suggest to them to request one for themselves).

Parenting Pagan Preemies Links:

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Pagan-Parents-of-Preemies/217155944991249

http://paganpreemies.blogspot.com/

http://twitter.com/PaganPreemies

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