freedigitalphotos.net Jeroen van Oostrom

How do you rate your family on their listening skills? Do you guys talk regularly and when you do, does anyone actually pay attention? This is task is easier said than done. We can’t just parent and not work. Bills and life gets in the way, so with the stress that the world puts on us it is easy to come home and want to just not listen any longer. But our family suffers for that, and I’m sure that the parents of teenagers are yelling at me right now. “They don’t want to talk either. They grunt when asked questions and avoid answering anything.” Creating the culture of listening and being attentive takes a long time and it must always be maintained unless it falls back into grunts and avoidance.

But if you want to create a strong and spiritual Pagan family then you must work on Listening and cultivating this in your children. Because if you can not Listen then there is no hope for change. However, listening alone is not enough: for to truly Listen one must also Hear. Oftentimes words alone can not accurately describe the true intent of what is being said. Just remember that Listening and Hearing aren’t always just about words. The silence and the silent movements of a person, more often than not, mean more than the words.

I’m sure we can all think about conversations that we either have walked away from or been tripped up by later, that we wish had just gone better. Maybe we had not listened well enough or maybe we wish the other person had done the same. If you are anything like me, then it was more probably both. We are so wrapped up in our own lives, and our own sets of problems that we often fail to pay attention to anything else other than our own solutions.

I think that we can all see how this could be a problem in creating a Stronger and more Spiritual Family. If we cannot understand each other and refuse (or do not know how) to listen to each other then how can we be on the same page? And if we can not find the common ground through conversation then how can we set family goals and be united in accomplishing them and supporting each other through all the trials and tribulations?

A failure to Listen can also cause us to miss out on possibly better solutions to our problems, that other people could possibly share with us. This can also cause huge misconceptions and possibly marital grief or strife. The solutions to all these problems is a simple one, easily said; ‘Learn to cultivate the act of Listening and Hearing’.

A failure to Listen can also cause us to miss out on possibly better solutions to our problems, that other people could possibly share with us. This can also cause huge misconceptions and possibly marital grief or strife. The solutions to all these problems is a simple one, easily said; ‘Learn to cultivate the act of Listening and Hearing’. But there are oftentimes barriers to effective Listening. Some of these barriers are;

• Knowing the Answer. What I mean by this is that we oftentimes think we know what the other person has to say before they are finished saying it. Stop assuming and just be present and listen to their words as they are being said.
• Trying to be Helpful. This is in the same vein as the last one. While this may seem to be a good thing, if we spend our time during the conversation trying to figure out how to be helpful then we are not Listening.
• Mixing up the Forest and the Trees. So many people pay attention to all the details in a conversation that they miss the whole point of the conversation.

Now these may seem like some big barriers to overcome; but here are some tips to get you started.

• First, you need to be present in the conversation and avoid distractions. If it helps, cut off the television and/or the radio. Take a moment to breathe and refocus, and remember that your focus should be solely on the other person
• Second, you need to keep an open mind. Do not let your preconceptions or misconceptions cloud how or what you hear the other person saying. I’m sure we can all think back to conversations that we have participated in, where one of the parties (or both) swear up and down that they heard something that the other person knows they didn’t say. This is particularly frustrating when it happens between two partners, because if it is not caught early then they both act under false assumptions. An open mind is also important because we, as humans, tend to tune out and not listen when we disagree with something. This obviously defeats the purpose of Listening. Third, we need to take a moment to refrain or rephrase. You can say something like, “I believe I understand you. Did you mean to say…” and then rephrase what they said. This helps to clarify and solidify understanding, which is important to effective Listening and Hearing.

So over the next few weeks, take some time to focus on your communication with the people in your life. Do you really listen? Or are you just playing along by rote?

Blessed Be!