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Self Centering

April 30, 2013 in Guests, Hearth and Home, Pagan Spirituality, Uncategorized

This past week has been a lesson in Self Centering for me. Sometimes the lines between being “of service” and being expected to do something can look similar on the outside, yet they are very different energies on an inner level.  When does helping turn into a disservice to others?

My big clues were that I was beginning to feel resentful and angry towards some people in my life circles, I’m usually a down to earth, level headed kind of gal, I have an easy going nature, and generally have a positive outlook on life.  When bitterness creeps in I know something is very unbalanced and I need to take a good look at where the roots of these feelings originate. It’s not a pleasant or easy process to dig through the stuff, fortunately I am blessed to have a counsellor who is not connected to my life in any other way, and she provides a non partisan view that helps me out a lot.

Exploring the layers of emotion I realised that a pattern had formed, and that there were two parties involved, my conflicted self and the persons related to the issues. For an event to recur all the participants need to agree on some level to keep it going, the scenery and the players may change yet the general theme becomes persistent, it may play out in a hundred versions until you notice what’s happening. For me, the production goes like this. Someone asks for my assistance, I like to be helpful so provide the help, the first time I don’t expect compensation because it’s time freely given. The person asks if I can lend a hand again and promises to pay when some money comes in, I oblige because I think everyone deserves a break. The same individual requests me to help out again, often has not compensated me for my time and effort and continues to promise to pay at a later date, I say okay. This continues on, the help becomes expected or the person feels entitled to it, I have conditioned myself to keep repeating and the other person to have expectations.

I acknowledge this awareness is part of my personal growth and it can be tricky to really see what is happening, blaming others doesn’t work, what am I doing that contributes to the cycle? I got to thinking how the Goddess is the Mother of all, and how her law is love; the only thing she asks is for me to embrace what is best for my life, and to work towards creating the life I desire. So what is best for me?

Allowing people to take advantage because I feel empathy is in no way respecting me, it actually devalues my worth. My first step was to look at the areas of my life that were generating these feelings. One continual annoyance is around transportation issues, I don’t mind offering a ride depending on the circumstances; however it has morphed into an exercise in frustration on some levels. There are people who are regular passengers, in some cases for over three years, they promise payment whenever some money comes in. In time I do receive some money and am thankful, however the amount paid and the true cost of providing rides has no relationship and I am the one who absorbs the expenses. I decided to take my power back and stop this cycle by changing my behaviour, so I informed my regulars no gas money, no ride.  As you can imagine, I sure got some waves of resistance, everything from guilt trips, I was being unfair, I was preventing participation in events, it’s my job as a priestess, you are punishing me, its not my fault I am broke, you are driving there anyhow…yada, yada.

I did feel guilty and unhappy at first, and wondered if  I was being unnecessarily cruel towards these folks; the incoming responses really enforced that. When I felt really vulnerable to caving in, I let myself feel the emotions and recited the Charge of the Goddess, especially the part about “keep strong your highest ideal and strive ever towards it, let naught stop you nor turn you aside” it gave me courage and strength. I was able to close my eyes and meditate and I found what I needed within.

I understand it is not my responsibility to keep bailing people out, in fact by continually helping all I am doing is providing a band-aid; my actions keep the cycle repeating, and the resulting feelings of resentment at the expectations do have powerful potential to damage some friendships. I also know each person needs to learn how to manage their own resources whether financial or not. It’s also clear it’s all about choices, with taking the action of buying a product or participating in an event I am agreeing to the consequences of that act, even if it means peanut butter sandwiches are my staple food for a while.  If I know something like full moon ritual occurs every month, and that I need gas money, and it’s important for me to attend, what is my priority? What do I prefer, those takeout coffees or going to ritual? We all need to choose what is important to us personally.

You probably have heard the saying “The Universe Provides”, yes it does! However, if the Universe continually provides through the generosity and at the expense of other people, the scales are not in balance for the giver or the receiver. The out breath and in breath are both important to the continual flow of life, one cannot exist without the other, and so it is with all things. It’s good to take a look at your life and see what is working and what isn’t, and by honouring yourself you also honour the Gods.

May you all have a Blessed Beltane!

Dawne

 

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Love your body

April 16, 2013 in Hearth and Home, Pagan Spirituality, Uncategorized

I was experiencing some resistance today, and I also know what I resist persists according to the Laws of Attraction, meaning if you are actively defying a situation your energy is still focused on the problem rather than a solution. So what’s my problem and how is it solved? I feel scattered, my solution, follow my breath through my body, feel the tube of light that extending from my spine down into the earth and imagine roots growing from my feet, reaching all the way to the earth’s center. I visualize any unwanted energy flowing down my roots and being transformed into neutral energy that the planet can use in any way it needs. I sense the molten energy it to moves up the roots towards my feet and think of it becoming a calm, grounding, stable, nurturing force that travels through me and cascades over my head like a fountain. It grounds and balances as it renews my physical sense of being and I am in a better space, thank you Mama Earth!

I think of times in my life when knowing how to ground and recharge would have been helpful. Instead I would just work myself into a tizzy, spinning my brain and searching for reasons why I was in such a frazzled state. There was always some person, situation or set of circumstances that I blamed for my problems, it was nothing to do with me, or so I thought. Of course not being accountable for your actions means that you are essentially powerless because you are the only one with the power to create personal change. It took me a while to recognise that, it made all the difference to my life!

Over the years I have discovered that the logical thinking side of myself is not always my best friend, it can create all kinds of thoughts and reasons as to why something is happening, analyzing each tangent to the nth degree. Do I feel better from this process? No, in fact some thoughts trigger emotions and/or pain and I end up in a worse space than before the process started. I call it the downward spiral, you can either get off of the ride or hit bottom! When mental chatter is ongoing I feel disconnected from the intuitive part of myself, my logical mind bases everything on past experiences, future tasks, programming etc. I shift from participating in life experience to being utterly disconnected and lost in the insanity of judgements against myself and others, rather than being an observer and choosing my level of involvement. Not a place or state that I really want to visit or wallow in, whining doesn’t create solutions, and the last thing I choose to be is a whiny witch!

So what is the solution? I learned to stop, it wasn’t easy, I actually had a sign from a disaster kit that says ok on a green background, and help on the red flip side.  I trained myself to display the red side when my thoughts became overwhelming or stuck in a rut.  It provided a physical task that stopped the thought process, eventually I was able to visualize a stop sign, and even today it means take a break and reconnect. One of the quickest ways to stop a thought is to focus on your breathing and follow the air as it circulates through your body, exit with the exhale, follow the next inhale and so on. Some people journey through the chakra system; others visualize travelling the energy meridians. Whatever works, just direct your attention within and explore how it feels to be embodied and present. You might find it helpful to use your hands and feel the outer edges of your body, to be aware of where your physical being ends and the energy layers begin. Sometimes we can be so disconnected from our body that there is no awareness of the space it occupies, it’s good to make contact, search for the muscles, bones and ligaments under your skin, get to know how your body feels, the manifestation of you here and now.

The physical body is a major factor to experiencing this world, it’s aware of unseen energies and forces that the logical rational self dismisses. As Pagans we are encouraged to love and accept our physical being as much as our spirit, intellect, emotions, and passions, we are a part of the physical realm, the being-ness of the natural world and its cycles.

Our manifested physical being is important factor in our life however some religious groups encourage their devotees to have no relationship with the body or material world. A state of enlightenment or deliverance comes from denying the body and punishing it, things like extreme fasting, inflicting pain and damage known as “mortification of the flesh” are seen as ways to salvation. The body is regarded as an obstruction on the path to evolving, and prevented passage to other realms or mystical states of being. I think of the Buddha and how he fasted and practised extreme forms of physical deprivation for 6 years, it didn’t bring him enlightenment. When he gave up these practises and came to sit under a tree he discovered the true nature of his being by finding his essence and that brought illumination.

I would say the majority of Pagans come from the philosophy of harm none, generally we celebrate the physical world, the seasons and we love and celebrate our bodies because they carry us through this experience of life. So, next time you find yourself caught up in a thought loop, breathe and ground, sense your energetic and physical being, take yourself out for a walk, swim, dance or some other activity that celebrates living and feel better!

 

Abundant Blessings,

 

 

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A Celtic Male View:Balance

November 12, 2012 in The Celtic Male

With all we see going on in the world today it is important not to lose our perspective on things spiritual. The importance of balance can not be stressed to much. I am sure we all know the saying you can’t have one without the other, and it is true. But this follows us into our spiritual realm as well.

One of the biggest turn offs i had found in Popular religion was this lack of balance. Many like to think they have balance,but it seems as if they do not understand it to begin with. For example, in Christianity you have God. The higher power is a recognized masculine power and everyone refers to it as “him”. It is the same with the Islamic religion and the Jewish faith as well.

Now, to the opposite extreme we have Wicca and various other forms of Paganism whose followers sway more to the feminine aspect. Here we can find the opposite extreme of Christianity. Now before anyone gets to upset, understand part of being balanced is to be honest with yourself. The majority i find of the Pagan community as a whole use the term,Goddess, in regards to their higher power.

Why do we have these opposing extremes? Here is my Celtic Male View. I believe our society as a whole has been focused on the Christian idea of morality and principle and to many that was a big turn off, it did not feel right, hence why we went in search of something different. So we find the Pagan path and all its forms and realize that it recognizes the feminine as well as the masculine. So the Goddess is then followed heavily which ends up overcompensating for all those years following a strictly male ideal. As our path has become such over the years it has drawn a huge percentage of women to it. I would say at least 75% on our path are female, could be higher.

We all know of the anger and wars we see in the name of religion. The “Big Three” religions battle and fight over the holy lands and any other perceived offense.  They do not have a balance, all three are a masculine driven spiritual belief. To the other extreme and this follows along with my last column here, we have all the arguing and in fighting within the Wiccan/Pagan Community. Again, a lack of balance but with a feminine driven aspect.

Balance is recognizing there is BOTH aspects to the higher power, not one or the other.

In my eyes the best way to refer to the higher power is  The Lord and Lady. This shows respect and acknowledgement to BOTH aspects, not just one. I feel calmer within myself. Most people on our path who do the same, i have noticed, are calmer people as well. They have no past grudges to bare.

Lets face it, the men within the Masculine driven beliefs feel superior to women and do not feel there is a feminine side at all. Those following a Pagan path who tend to feminize their higher power are dejected from their past and upbringing and are rebelling in this way. Both sides act superior to each other. Find your balance, you are not superior to anyone, but equal. I say this to ALL people out there who want peace and happiness in their life, look at how you recognize your higher power and if you are not balanced then do so, see how it feels to find your balance, I think you may just find you are a happier, more peaceful person inside and outward towards the rest of society.

There is so much more i could add to this , but will refrain, for now. Perhaps my next column will be part two.

Until then, May all the paths you walk be Green and Golden,

~Killian~

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Some call it Samhain

October 30, 2012 in From the Hearth

This is my first column here, and it’s just before the Witches New Year, it seems a good place to start with the next holy-day being Samhain, October 31. Samhain has its origins in Celtic tradition, in that path the new day begins at nightfall, and that’s why the Sabbats begin in the evening and also why the Witches New Year begins at the beginning of the dark season.

Samhain literally means “end of summer”, it’s the last day of the harvest period, and whatever remains in the fields at sunset belongs to the gods and nature spirits. All the butchering for winter is finished, all food preserved and stored, the time of rest arrived on the first day of the dark season. It was a time of transition, a magical night when the realms between the living and dead blurred; this made it a good night to honour ancestors and all those who had transitioned during the year. On Samhain eve, The Wild Hunt rode through the land gathering the wandering dead and it was believed if a living person looked at the riders they became part of the entourage. The Fairies of the darker realms enjoyed playing deadly pranks on mortals during this night, and wandering angry spirits could take revenge on the living.

It isn’t hard to see why turnips were hollowed out and carved with the face of a protective spirit to guard the home.  If you were lucky, you could spend the night indoors, however most people had chores and work to do whether it was Samhain or not. Painting your face or body white, and wearing white was thought to fool the fairies and spirits into believing you were one of them, other people wore straw masks to hide their identity, some people even dressed as the opposite sex to cause confusion. There were some folks who thought if you made yourself look fiercer than the spirits, it kept them at bay, and the gorier the better, these customs evolved into our modern Halloween costumes.

Wandering spirits were appeased with a meal, a heartfelt sharing of food and drink brought a blessing, resentful sharing invited chaos. Today we say “trick or treat” a remnant of those times. Samhain was also a time when deceased relatives were invited into the home to feast and savour life on this side of the veil and to visit the family. At nightfall a candle was lit in the window to guide and welcome departed loved into the home. At bed time, they were thanked for visiting and wished a safe journey to the Summerland and the candle was snuffed to avoid visits from other wandering spirits.

The Dark Mother/Crone/Wise One rules this time of year, her consort has become the Aged Elder/Wizard/Dark Father who waits in the Underworld for his rebirth at midwinter. The Crone breaks things down, yet her lesson is not only destruction for she promises new life from her cauldron of rebirth. The Halloween hag is a distorted image that only acknowledges the tearing down aspect, as the devil is a skewed image of the Horned Lord, it wasn’t always so.

How can you meld the old with today’s world? For me Samhain is a day I remember those I love who have passed on, I think about the nurturing, lessons and wisdom each one brought to me, knowing there is no one else who could teach me in that way. I think about how my life was influenced in the past and today by their actions and sharing. Some years I light one candle for each person, others years I light one big candle for all and say these thoughts out loud.

At Samhain I set up an altar dedicated to those who have passed during the year, if it’s one specific person I choose a cloth in their favorite colour, add photos of the person, favourite flowers, books enjoyed, or anything that reminds me of the person. If there have been multiple transitions, I adapt by including something that reminds me of each specific person. Some years I make  an ancestor altar covered in red (blood/life connection) I place objects that are associated with my clans on the altar, and I light one big candle to remember all my kin, known or not.

On Samhain eve I place a candle in the window to invite my loved ones in, and make room at my hearth and at the table, serving my dead relatives real food as I would any mortal guest. I talk to my loved ones and share my experiences of life here, sometimes I even sing for them. Later on when its time to get ready for bed, I thank them for visiting and for their love and protection, and wish them safe travels to the Summerland. I physically open the door to let them leave, and snuff the candle when its closed. I like to leave apples at  crossroads before dark for any spirits who have no living relatives and always put a plate of food and drink outside for any wandering souls who pass by.

You can do any of these activities as an individual, family, circle or group of friends, each person involved adds something to the experience and it becomes a sacred way to remember and honour our ancestors and loved ones. Until next time have a Blessed Samhain.

 

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Where The Elements Meet

August 16, 2012 in Everyday Magick

Another Summer vacation has come to an end and I find myself back in the real world.  It’s so hard to adjust from being a beach bum to a domestic goddess again.  I’m nearly back to “normal” but continue to miss my beloved sun, surf and sand.  I even tried walking around in my bathing suit the other day so I could get that “at the beach house” kind of feeling but, as soon as I stepped outside and remembered that there is no beach only a block and a half away and that I could not hear the ocean waves, I went back inside and put on shorts and a t-shirt.  No sense in fooling myself, right?  The rest of the day was spent telling myself that the beach is always with me, that it’s part of me.  The salt of the sea runs through my veins.  My skin is a golden brown from the hours of exposure to the hot Summer sun (yes, I did use a 50 sunblock).  Seashells and other treasures from the ocean decorate my altar or are tucked away in other spots around the house.  Heck!  There’s even sand still in my beach bag.  And the beach is only about an hour and a half drive from here whenever I need to see it again.  Why do I love the beach so much, need it so much?  It’s because it is a place where all the elements are present in their raw natural form, where they meet, converge and become one, Spirit (Ether).  It is where everything is balanced.  I can stand at this center and experience true connection with Earth, Air, Fire and Water, feel their energies coursing through me, all at once, and feel pure joy in their union.

It begins with the drive to the coast.  As soon as the bright green marshlands and the sun dancing upon the surface of the back bays come into view, I roll the car window down, stick my head out the window, close my eyes and inhale deeply.  That salty humid scent of the sea fills me and invigorates me.  Sea gulls call out their welcome and I feel like I am home.

As soon as it is possible, usually after we have shared breakfast with the entire family at our favorite restaurant, I head for those first few hours on the beach.  (I go to the shore prepared, wearing my bathing suit and with my beach bag packed with towels, sunblock and a good book.)  The moment my feet hit the sand, I dig my toes into that warm silky sand and just stand there for a minute, grounding and centering myself, connecting with Earth.  All my Summers at the shore (43 to be exact) flash through my brain in a split-second slide show as if the beach is scanning me for identification.  Again I inhale deeply and let the salt air cleanse my spirit.  An overwhelming sense of peace washes over me and through me and I can then proceed to finding the perfect spot for setting up my chair.  My spirit is nurtured by Earth.

Once my chair is placed, my bag plopped down next to it, I head for the ocean.  I slowly step into the low waves, letting them gently slap away the negative energy I am carrying with me.  I cup my hands and scoop the salty water over me in a blessing.  I work my way out deeper into the ocean until I am either able to dive in or have to duck under a huge wave to let the sea take away all my cares, worries and fears and to renew my spirit.  And then, if the ocean is not rough that day, I float, just float, upon the rolling sea, with eyes closed, suspended between sun and sky and sea and sand, like returning to the womb for just a few minutes.  The waves speak their wisdom to me.  It’s just me and nature.  I am shaped by Water.

I return to my chair, dry off slightly, and begin my sun worship.  The sun beats down on me, drying up the beads of salty water, soaking through my skin to transform me for another year, another Summer.  I lay back in my chair, feet never leaving the sand, lulled by the ocean’s song to meditate on the events of the year, the lessons I have learned, and the things I have yet to be taught.  The sun burns off the old layers of me and brings forth the new me, like the phoenix rising from the ashes.  I am transformed by Fire.

Constantly moving across me, around me, and through me is the sea breeze.  It brings new ideas for the year to come, snippets of blogs, articles and chapters, all to be written down when I return to the house later in the day.  I imagine my garden at home missing me and growing in my absence, waiting for me to bring the blessings of the sea home.  The wind carries salt, dropping it over in me a subtle layer to seal the sun’s heat in my skin, to bless the sand under me, and to season the water dripping from me.  Air moves me into new thoughts, new visions, and new dreams.

And there I am at the center of all this, where Earth, Air, Fire and Water meet, where they create Ether,  where the wheel continues to turn and I turn with it,  and I am at total peace.

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Going to the source.

July 25, 2012 in Walking Between the Worlds

Lately I have been coming to realize more and more the importance of going “old school” in studies, and in my practices.

There is value in going to older, more ancient lore and researching and finding original sources. Personally, I find myself delving into Greek

hymns the past few days.

 

I feel more more connected, and see this as more direct than reading a modern book which analyzes an earlier book about an earlier source.

The more times something is filtered, interpreted, reworked, the more contaminated or altered the information or , yes, lore.

Don’t simplify, or take a watered down version of a God or Goddess. Take them at full face value, all the light and all the dark sides. Don’t

assume, or force them to fit in a mold that is generalized or mass marketed.

The next stage in going straight to the source is working on building that personal relationship with Spirit, God, Goddess, by communicating, and opening yourself up to relationship by speaking with them.  Experiment with a bit of historical reconstruction. Don’t expect to be entirely accurate. Do try to be authentic, but most importantly sincere.

 

Remember that while your personal craft may be growing, it has roots from ages ago.

 

Find old works and methods of Craft. Find and listen to Elders,  and be open to learn from their experience.

 

Another part of going to the source is getting connected outdoors. Be sure to do so regularly.

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Your Innate Survival Kit

June 22, 2012 in Minimalism

Sometimes Life on this planet leaves you feeling stranded, but all is not lost…. you have Your Innate Survival Kit:

HOPE … on being washed up on whatever desert island (or planet, or whatever.), you will have this and you will need to look after it. Hope is your knife (the Swiss Army attachment kind) it has a sharp edge and you can cut yourself on it if you’re not careful, especially if you’re whittling on with your Hope.

FAITH … you will have this. This is your Ideas, Skills and Knowledge in relation to your surroundings – everything you need is here, if you know where to look. Faith is your Knowledge that you will be rescued, usually after you have become so comfortable with your Island life that you don’t want to be. You can have Faith that it will rain on you at any given opportunity or a gust of wind will knock over whatever you are working on. For the purpose of this analogy Rescue can also equate to passing on.

CHARITY … (just to complete the Trio!) Realising that everything in this domain is free, its just some things you have to work harder for…

So you’re here, you’re exploring your Hope, checking its blades, wondering what the spiky thing is for, and now you want to get it doing some Faith for you. Of course by now you’re looking at tall bamboo canes and realise that its going to be difficult to Hope your way through it all so you need something else… you need to put you Faith to the test with a bit of Hope and you get…..

TRUST, your Faithful machete. Now that you have your Trust to hack through the bamboo canes you can start making some shelter. You can’t get through Life without a bit of weaving here and there, so with some leaves make a nice roof over your bamboo shelter. Why is Trust a machete? Well, how many times have you wished you’d had one when someone told you to “Trust them”?

The sound of heavy downpours on your flimsy leaf roof is making you squirm a bit, so you end up ..

WISHING, this is pouring out those stagnant things inside you and is usually better in a stream (unless the dorsal fish is there!) but as you also have to drink out of the stream you might not want to pollute it too often. Sometimes your Wishes cause harm to others by accident and you have to keep that in mind.

By now you have probably been whittling on with your Hope, and what with making that Trust it has ended up blunt, luckily you find a couple of stones and now these are your ….

WITS. Now armed with your Wits, you can keep your Hope sharp and your Trust keen.

After Wishing all through the night because the roof has started to leak, you realise your need more Faith and a solid shelter. You saw some trees further inland and realise that this Life isn’t going to be all beach, but at the same time you can’t Hope to chop down a Tree, and Trust isn’t any good either, its time to get…

HARD. With a bit of Faith, flint, and a stick, you make a nifty axe. Now you can start felling trees, splitting logs, and modernising your shelter.

Its round about now that you realise that you’ve lost your Hope and instead find that you had a razor-sharp….

DESPAIR all along! Although not as useful as Hope, Despair is so sharp and personal that you can shave with it. When you feel a bit better after a brief period of Despair use, you find your Hope pretty much where you left it!

You use your Hope and Faith to make some pegs to hold your split logs together and find that a small log on a sturdy stick makes a good…

FRUSTRATION, or Mallet. Working with your new Frustration feels good and things seem to be going well until it explodes in your face and you realise that it wasn’t Frustration that you needed to help hold things together, it was a nice….

HUG, so with a suitable stone and stick, you make a comfortable Hug or hammer if you prefer.

After making your new abode and admiring your handiwork, you go off for a Wish at the stream and catch sight of your reflection – you look a complete mess, so its time to Despair again. Here a word of warning though – If Wishing whilst holding onto Despair, don’t make any wrong moves, especially if you’ve kept your Wits about you!

On returning to your nice wooden house, it makes you think that you should’ve got Hard much sooner!

Have a good Solstice – there are a lot of Energy Shifts out there and The Universal Current is getting ready to effect some changes.

Blessings and Namaste.

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Baking Bread for Meditation

May 23, 2012 in Hearth Witchery

Meditation isn’t something that came naturally for me. It has taken a lot of practice and a lot of patience that I don’t really have to be able to do it… sometimes, when the mood is right. That was until I realized that you don’t have to be sitting perfectly still forcing yourself to clear your mind (which really, simply makes you think about other things more) in a quiet room to achieve a meditative state. I discovered this completely by accident, of course.

Learning how to make bread was almost a life changing moment for me, I found that I loved it so much; I wanted to make all of my own breads at home. With no fancy mixer I resorted to my favorite (and in my opinion easiest without a mixer) recipe for Italian bread, and I began to bake two small loafs a day. During a particularly difficult time (disagreements with my family) the stress was really getting to me; I was having nightmares consistently, my head just wouldn’t stop aching, and my back, neck, and shoulders were so tied up in knots that it was a wonder I didn’t look like a pretzel, but my household duties needed to get done, no matter how stressed out I was, so I tended to them.

When I came to baking my daily bread I went through the motions as I always do, not thinking one lick about it. It wasn’t until the bread was in the oven that I stopped; my headache was gone. I got myself a glass of iced tea and sat down to contemplate (a three day headache doesn’t typically just poof and disappear on its own,) as I sat I realized the tension in my body had gone as well, I felt utterly and completely relaxed, and my stress and woes had given way to a content, peaceful feeling that I took a few moments to simply enjoy. I mentally retraced my steps, and while I wasn’t aware of it at the time, I remembered how as I kneaded the bread, my mind first focused on the task, then fuzzed out into a blissful nothingness, how working out my flimsy arm muscles on that lump of dough loosened my body and it clicked: hey, I meditated.

I was surprised, I had only reached that content peaceful state with meditation a handful of times before, and I never really thought it was possible to do so while standing up, kneading dough of all things, but it had happened. From then on whenever I wanted to meditate, I would bake a loaf of bread, and loose myself in the process, and it is still my favorite technique till this day. So why not give it a try?

Italian Bread Recipe:

  • 8 fl oz warm water (cold will stunt the yeast, hot will kill it)
  • 20 g                 active dry yeast
  • 14 oz               bread flour
  • 1/4 oz              salt
  • 2 g                   honey

To begin, in a large mixing bowl stir together the flour and salt. In a separate bowl stir the yeast and honey into the water until yeast is mostly dissolved. Create a well in the flour and pour the water mixture in, stir with a wooden spoon until mixture begins to come together. From there you can cover your hands in flour, or spray them with nonstick cooking spray, and knead the dough on a floured surface until smooth. This is the part where the gluten forms to give the bread its structure, so don’t be stingy! Try for at least ten minutes, and if your arms get tired, let them (and the dough) relax for a couple of minutes.

Form your dough into a smooth ball. Grab another bowl, preferably twice the size of your dough ball, and spray with cooking spray. Place your dough inside of the bowl and lightly spray the top. Cover loosely with saran wrap. Now, you can proof your dough in one of two ways, just let it sit, or heat a small bowl of water in the microwave until it’s nice and steamy, and put the dough inside of the microwave (DO NOT TURN ON THE MICROWAVE WHILE THE DOUGH IS INSIDE. This microwave trick substantially speeds the rising time,) you’ll know it’s ready when it’s doubled in size and when you poke it, it springs back.

Remove dough from the bowl and begin the “degassing.” Really you’re just kneading the dough again to get all of the big air bubbles out. When it’s nice and gas free, you can shape it in one of two ways, simply roll it into an elongated shape (which results in a slightly more rustic looking loaf and is my preferred method,) or you can roll it out until long and flat, taking the long side and rolling it up like you would a newspaper, pinching the creases tightly as you go, finish this method by pinching under the ends. Now, grab a cookie sheet, place a piece of parchment paper on it, spray lightly with cooking spray, set the loaf onto it, spray the loaf lightly, and loosely cover with saran wrap for the second proofing. This one typically takes about half the time of the first. Now is the time to preheat your oven to 425 degrees.

When your loaf is nice and puffy (judge by the same methods as the first proof) remove the saran wrap, get a really sharp knife and score it by cutting four lines at an angle across the top. You want to go deep enough that you can see the markings when the loaf is baked, but you don’t want a huge split in your bread either, no deeper than a ¼ inch. Here you can either use a pastry brush to brush a light coating of water onto your loaf, or if you have a clean spray bottle you can spritz it (I prefer to spritz.) Your loaf of bread is now ready to bake! Put it into the oven on the middle rack, check after 5 minutes, if you notice one side browning more than the other; rotate it. Every oven cooks differently, and cook times depend on altitude, size of loaf, and so on. It may take 8 minutes, it may take 30. The best way to tell if a loaf of bread is done it to knock on the bottom, just as you would a door. If it sounds nice and hallow it’s done, if it doesn’t, but you have a good golden brown color, cover with tinfoil and continue baking until it does.

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And Now For Something Completely Different…

May 22, 2012 in Tales from the Silverwolf's Den

Well, I’m not too sure how to go about this whole “introduction” process really without sounding like I’m repeating myself or seemingly making myself sound crazy (which believe me, will eventually happen), so let’s dive in… Shall we?

I’m a young person of big dreams and goals, some of which get lost in my daily routine of juggling too many tasks. But, somehow in the midst of all of this, I found a husband that loves me for all that I am (and yes, this includes the crazy), adopted 6 (yes, 6) animals which consist of 2 dogs and 4 cats, buying a house, becoming more involved with my faith, becoming a High Priestess, starting a local coven, starting a photography business, and just doing about a crap ton of other things that can get to much to list. I can’t explain it really. I’ve always had my hands in about everything I could get to. Though my husband would say that it’s because of the crazy. “You can’t keep it all contained and sit still… That’s just not how crazy works.” <- Yes, that’s my husband for you. Consider me the jack of all trades, master of none. There are few things that I can’t do, and if I don’t know how to do them, there’s a good chance that I haven’t at least tried to learn it or found it on YouTube somewhere (lol).

Well, any who, back to the point of this whole shebang. My obvious goal (besides rationalizing my chaotic behaviors and torturing you) is to try to find a way to incorporate magic into my everyday life, and maybe, just maybe, I’ll be able to reach out to others. Maybe I’ll talk about the husband, or the fur babies, or my coven and what we’re learning, or what I recently have learned, who knows! The world is full of endless possibilities and we cannot even begin to fathom what entertaining things will come to focus when I start pecking away at the keys. I’m always finding random trivia or experiencing the most interestingly epic of days, and as my husband puts it (quite frequently at times) is that there never seems to be a dull moment around me. Most people consider me the comedic relief and find that I’m always there to listen and find a way to make them smile. So, don’t be surprised if most of these come out in a comedic way because that’s how I typically rationalize things.

So, ladies and gentle-hoofs, I leave you with these parting words of wisdom… Wait… Huh, maybe not so much wisdom, but more so of shiggles (do I need to explain that one? lol). My girl friend and I have this weird silly connection when it comes to The Emperor’s New Groove. Let me explain… When one of us starts a line from the movie, we then proceed to spend the next 3-5 minutes quoting random lines from it till we are laughing  our asses off. We can both be pissed off and upset, but when we start this one line… It’s game over and the ‘Van Damme’-esque face quickly fades to the giggly stupidity of laughter and geekiness. Our typical go to line is…”I’ll turn him into a flee….” and if you’ve seen the movie as much as we have (we’re pretty sure we can quote the movie entirely, if not at least 75% of it), you’re probably continuing on with the sentence. It’s OK, I completely understand. Once the train of thought is in motion, you can’t derail it.

The point is, sometimes we all just need to laugh once in a while. Being serious all of the time is mind numbingly boring and depressing. It’s like sitting in high school listening to history teachers (not to offend any teachers out there). So… with that.. Here’s some funny thoughts or questions that I will try to end off with after each blog.  Hope you like it so far and I look forward to seeing you all tomorrow.. You stay Classy there readers ;) .

Lady Noisiu V. Silverwolf

“We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.”

PS…. Here’s an additional Foamy video to make you smile. If you like off the wall topics and rants, you will love him and his squirrely goodness. – Enjoy… Spell-A-Casters- Foamy The Squirrel- Ill Will Press

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Psychotropic Drugs, Modern-Day Miracles & Our Link to the Divine

May 17, 2012 in The First Dark

DISCLAIMER:  Please be advised, this article in NO WAY CONDONES stopping the use of one’s doctor-prescribed, psychotropic medication.  Nor does this article condone the use of drugs and alcohol to alter one’s state of mind.  These are my thoughts and experiences, linked ONLY to my path as a practicing Pagan.

 

This past week-and-a-half, I’ve spent a lot of time wondering if I am truly mad.

Now, usually I find the topic of ‘madness’ a heavily subjective one.

I am a Pagan, after all.  In fact, I am a polytheist Pagan who has been studying about the many different Hellenic tales of the Mad God himself, Dionysos.  More about that in a sec…

Lately, I’ve had a very hard time in regards to my health.  Though I don’t like talking about it, I can’t help but use myself for an example of the obvious differences in perception under the influence of a psychotropic drug, vs. perception without the influence of a psychotropic drug.  Because for myself, those are two very different perceptions – so much so, that I will never live my life without some version of the topic at hand again.

To get to the point, I found myself yet again lacking the funds to cover the cost of my anti-anxiety/anti-depressant medication.  The first 48hrs sans this medication is tolerable.  By 72hrs, I find myself nauseated as well as easily irritated.  By six to seven days without my medication, I begin to not be able to sleep.  Insomnia sets in; when I attempt to sleep, I dream so heavily that Prometheus himself wishes I would wake up!  I’m become extremely nauseated, easily irritated by outside stimuli which would normally not concern me; so easily goaded into bouts of rage that I’d confine myself to alone time in my room just to avoid screaming at my fiancé.

…fast forward to today – Wednesday, May 16th 2012.

I’m two days into having my medication back in my system again, and lucky enough to have found out that I will be receiving it for free from now on from the manufacturer.  But as I’m back into the land of the sane, I have to ask myself – is it for the better?

What I mean by this is the intensity of the dreams, the messages, and the premonitions that I felt over the past week+ without my daily pill – I cannot deny that the stronger I felt everything, the more terrified I was by my ‘extremes’ in reaction.  Beyond fear, I also felt elation.  I was elated at finally feeling SOMETHING again, to the very core of my marrow.  I’ve always been a creature of extremes; my ancestors are people who worked hard, played even harder and live out loud one way or the other!

It is the intensity that I realized I missed, the fervor of my dedication.  The focus, the unwaning dedication to feeling that I missed. It got me to thinking a lot, about Dionysos.

He is my mad god, my little devil; a meaning for moments of raving and madness.  It got me to thinking about my younger days – that time between the realizations that I didn’t believe in Jesus Christ anymore; what I believed in was something a little more real and less punishing than the Christian god.  I looked to the excess of drugs & alcohol, as a way to block out the stressors of living life day-to-day.  I looked forward to the release of inhibitions, of finally not being afraid to see those premonitions and receive those messages in the darkness of a dead-drunk dream.  I used the illegal to open myself – same as I use the legal, to block it all from coming in, because it is so overwhelming to me now that I cannot tolerate it as I once did.

But…am I, and the many others who simply switched one addiction for another WRONG in what we now believe in, in how we now make it through the day?

After all, I was never suicidal, I was never depressed for weeks on end; sometimes I simply could not handle being the empath I am, and feeling the things that I felt.  It was never something I considered a curse until modern medicine told me it was – I simply felt I was more in-tune than others with the unseen.  Or could it be that I’m wrong again, and it’s better not to feel the things I felt or see the things I saw just this past week, when my medication was all but completely out of my system?  Is it better to block out what a nonbeliever would call the irrational because it’s based on feeling, so that we can simply live with only the rational?

Is the complete loss of extremes in our psyche and physical body, in reality a loss of our direct link to that ‘wild card’ factor that may truly just be, a link to the divine?

An excerpt from the book ‘Ecstatic’ by H. Jeremiah Lewis (from The Call of the Mainad, pg. 470):

“Will you come to the place where the wild ones are?

Away from your home, away from your life,

Away from everything that makes you you?

Will you run free with your hair down,

Naked feet leaping over rocks and roots

As tree branches whip your skin and you howl into the night?

Will you crawl on your belly like a hissing snake,

Like a ferocious leopard;

Will you claw the earth and tear the ivy with your teeth?

Will you sit in front of the fire with vacant eyes,

Watching the flames leap and dance

Until you can see him moving there?

Will you reach out and touch your god without being burned

-will you do it even if it hurts?”

 How much of ourselves are we willing to give to our gods or goddesses?  Forget our time, forget our ceremony, forget our offerings – how much of OURSELVES, are we willing to see reflection of in the eyes of the divine, and at what cost?

Sometimes gifts given by the gods are seen more as curses than gifts; modern society sees what’s considered as the irrational only as such.  We as believers in our faith, whether it be a Pagan-based faith, a Christian faith, a Muslim faith – cannot continue to look at everything that cannot be explained as ‘inconvenient’ but avoidable occurrence.  We as believers, have to be willing to take a little “dirt in the eye” in public in order to stay connected to that ageless power that never changes.

When your god(s) or goddesses call, how do you answer?  Do you answer?  Or do you let it go to voicemail?

Something to think about – beyond the topic of legal or illegal drugs – as society continues to disengage itself on this crash course to a higher level of consciousness.

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